So it has been a week since my last dose of the happy-pills, after two weeks on half-dose. I thought I would review how the withdrawal has been going:
The first few nights I struggled to sleep because my mind was racing. This could have been for other reasons of course. There is a lot going on in my old brain right now. And even the lovely positives in my life give me things to think about and be excited about.
Other things I have noticed include:
- Increased physical strength. I am guessing this is because of increased energy/adrenaline but within a few days of dropping to half-dose my weights at the gym increased by around 15%
- Headache. Only minor but present since dropping to half dose. It has cleared over the last two days to be replaced by:
- Dizziness/vertigo. I was not expecting this as I had avoided reading about withdrawal symptoms beforehand. I had trouble staying vertical when getting changed for the gym on Tuesday evening, after feeling off-balance much of the afternoon. I googled withdrawal symptoms afterwards and dizziness/vertigo was top of the list. Wednesday morning was even worse (I walked into a door frame!) so I told my boss I was not doing lab work for the rest of the week, on safety grounds. Given that my lab is currently 30C and very noisy I was concerned this might make my disorientation worse.
- Emotional overload. The last two days I have been happy but also a bit emotional. No sad movies for me this weekend!
Psychologically I am fine, despite the photo I posted on Instagram on tuesday.
I know I have a tendency to over-think. But it occurs to me to worry that the man you have come to know here is not the real me, but some altered version of me created by the drugs. Maybe the miserable, self-isolating Darren is the real one? Will I now start pushing people away? I already have two posts that I chose not to post because I am not sure if it was me or the drugs speaking.
So, now the real battle begins. Changing what needs to change to keep me from going back into the hole I came from.
As it is Friday, here are some rather prettier pictures from the garden this week!
Also – as some of you know, I love frogs and thought this was so cool!