My wife is away – and I had a sex date. See below for explicit photos!

My friend Dave contacted me a couple of days ago to ask me if my plant of Iris kolpakowskiana was in flower and, if it was, could we try cross pollinating between our plants in the hope of getting some seeds.

I confirmed that my plant was in flower so Dave popped round today with his and we went to the greenhouse to instigate proceedings. An anther was removed from each plant and applied to the stigmatic surface of the other. We then withdrew for a post-coital coffee.

Iris kolpakowskiana is a species within the Reticulate Iris group. The more common reticulate Irises are a feature of many gardens in late winter. Iris kolpakowskiana is, however, very rare in cultivation and requires specialist care and a very careful watering regime. It is native to the mountains of Central Asia (e.g. Kazakhstan). And is very much a snowmelt plant that is adapted to cold winters and long dry summers with a very brief growing season in spring when snowmelt provides sufficient water. It is a challenging plant to grow and it is a remarkable coincidence that Dave and I both maintain plants only a few miles apart, and that they have flowered the same weekend. Fingers crossed that seed will be produced!

Apologies if you clicked on this post expecting something else πŸ˜‰


      1. Lol! I don’t smoke either, but apparently that’s what people do after pollinating orchids. Perhaps I watched too many movies from the 1950s and 60s. Have you ever read any Nero Wolf books? Your post put me in mind of him since he likes growing orchids. Not the same as a kolpakowskiana, true enough, but apparently both are very hard to grow.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. πŸ˜„πŸ˜„
    Usually i never read “this” kind of post , but knew that you’re not that kind of person and i was right! Hopefully you’ll have your seeds

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Really funny and interesting post. I thought the cross pollinating was like a surgical procedure, meticulous, precise and clean… Clean flower porn at its best! Did enjoy it as the pics shows details of the procedure. Nice mix of humour and info! If you keep writing catchy and sensational titles like that you could get a job as a journalist. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Glad you liked it Lisa😊.

      My horticultural claim to fame is that I was the first person ever to obtain seed of the rare Chinese Fritillaria davidii in cultivation. Let us hope for similar luck this time!

      This Iris is Dave’s favourite too. He has been lucky enough to see it in the wild too as he is a part time tour leader for an ecotourist company.


        1. I am not sure either. I always want to tell ‘bored’ kids that there is no such thing as nothing to do – only a lack of imagination on their part.
          Sometimes I wish it were easier to switch off but I get restless if not achieving ot learning something.

          Liked by 2 people

  3. Post-coital coffee! Love it! You’ve actually made me laugh out loud …. brilliant. I love your artwork by the way … stunning. How can you not only be good at writing, but also horticulture and painting/drawing? This is most unfair! I am a mere fledgling in comparison but thoroughly enjoying your talents. More please!

    Liked by 3 people

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