First the necessary pre-amble. Please read part one if you have not already as it puts this into some context.
This was written a few months after part one and at the end of a particularly vicious (sadly, almost terminal) bout of depression. By the time I put pen to paper on this I was doing OK again.
FURTHER EXPERIMENTS IN PUBLIC TRANSPORT/PERSONAL SPACE ISSUES.
D.Sleep, Lancaster, UK
Abstract.
We present follow-up experiments to that reported in the author’s earlier paper. These experiments indicate that the earlier findings can be extrapolated and, moreover, that a law of diminishing returns can be applied to ‘eccentric’ behaviour on public transport. The more extreme this behaviour the greater the risk of physical or verbal assault for relatively poor gains in privacy.
Materials & Methods
Experiments were carried out using Sunblest White Muffins, Hovis Floured Baps, a 30mm diameter bottle brush and a pair of small round-tipped scissors.
During the period May to September 2006 the author undertook numerous bus journeys between Lancaster bus station and Carnforth (Stagecoach Bus services 55, 55A and 555). All journeys were undertaken at peak times in the evening, between 16:30 and 18:00hrs and buses were usually busy.
Data was only collected on evenings where the author secured a double seat at the outset of the journey and where the bus was subsequently busy enough to oblige new passengers to occupy the unclaimed seat in an already occupied pair.
Experiment 1 consisted of a control and two ‘treatments’, use of muffins or baps was essentially decided by what the author fancied for his tea :
Control: Normal bus journey without food.
Treatment 1: Bus journey with Muffins or Baps on knees, in silence.
Treatment 2: Journey spent stroking and talking to Muffins or Baps.
Experiment 2 Consisted of a control and two treatments.
Control: Normal bus journey without any props.
Treatment 1: Journey spent holding bottle brush vertically in left hand.
Treatment 2: Journey spent trimming bristles from bottle brush with scissors whilst engaging it in typical hairdresser conversational topics such as it’s holiday plans and what, or who, it did on Friday night.
Experiments were carried out randomly with regard to date and current domestic requirement for food, or lab requirement for smaller bottle brushes. Experiment 2 was conducted some weeks after experiment 1.
Results for experiment 1.
Table 1:
Treatment: | Control | 1 | 2 |
No. Journeys | 12 | 4 | 5 |
No. Journeys where double seat retained | 8 | 3 | 5 |
% double seat retention | 75 | 75 | 100 |
Results for experiment 2.
Table 2:
Treatment: | Control | 1 | 2 |
No. Journeys | 12 | 2 | 2 |
No. Journeys where double seat retained | 5 | 2 | 2 |
% double seat retention | 42% | 100 | 100 |
Results and discussion.
In the author’s earlier work (Sleep, 2006) the conclusion was made that stroking and talking to any loaf of bread would virtually guarantee retention of a double seat for the duration of this journey. Experiment 1 (Table 1 , above) suggests that this may be extrapolated further to cover a wide variety of bread based domestic foodstuffs. One obvious point to note is that even the control shows a higher level of double-seat retention in comparison to the earlier paper. It is hypothesised that this is due to passenger memory of previous work and avoidance of the author as a result (thanks to an anonymous colleague for this interpretation).
Experiment 2 is compromised by lack of replication due to the somewhat unrepeatable nature of treatment 2. At face value Table 2 suggests no difference in passenger response between the two treatments. However; this table is based upon insufficient criteria for evaluation as it does not show the degree of this response. Observation during the experiment suggested that, whilst merely holding a bottle brush is clearly adequate to ensure double-seat retention, the activities outlined in treatment two were sufficient to clear the other seats within earshot also. Treatment 2 was unfortunately prematurely curtailed when the bus driver became agitated, manifested by increased use of profanities. Given the already high baseline expletive usage by Stagecoach Lancaster drivers it could be argued that the distinction is a subtle one, nevertheless it was decided to curtail the experiment as it’s a very long way to walk home to Carnforth.
Once again, the author believes this research should be expanded to include rail transport for comparison but volunteers have not been forthcoming.
Conclusion.
Care must be taken to ensure that double-seat retention techniques are not so extreme as to precipitate total social exclusion or a possible ban from local transport services.
It is suggested, also, that one refrains from telling ones colleagues that you spent the journey home stroking your baps. The author, however, is accustomed to being regarded as odd and therefore is unconcerned about peer ridicule
Acknowledgements.
I would like to thank Stagecoach buses for providing transport. My wife Susan for financial support and assistance in consumption of experimental materials (no- she didn’t eat the bottle brush) . Somerfield supermarkets for providing reliably sullen service once again. Colleagues at work for keeping author stressed enough to carry out further research.
References.
Sleep, 2006. “USE OF DOMESTIC FOODSTUFFS ENHANCES PROBABILITY OF DOUBLE_SEAT RETENTION ON PUBLIC SERVICE VEHICLES”, submitted.
So funny! This made me smile x
LikeLiked by 2 people
Good! Thank you Amy. x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, this is amazing!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you! That made me smile and I am struggling a little today so much appreciated💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hope today is a better day💛
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! Not great so far but my drawing stuff has now been moved back into the room with the CD player, and Susan and both sets of neighbours are away today so I feel some loud cathartic music coming on!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That sounds about right, shake it out!!!🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 sending good vibes your way
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀😀😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Better now. Pumarosa’s ‘Priestess’ at very loud volume even had me dancing in my chair by the end. Not helpful when drawing perhaps…. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hahaha maybe not helpful but sounds liberating☺️☺️☺️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Agreed. Also completely out of character for me, which is great 🙂
LikeLike
I love your sense of humor, thank you! I had to read much out loud to my husband who was wondering at my laughing out loud….he enjoyed it too:)!
LikeLiked by 3 people
I am so pleased Jen, thank you so much. 💕 My sense of humour is the one thing about me that I would not want to change I think. Glad your husband liked it too. When my wife looked at it when I first wrote it she didn’t laugh but just gave me a quizzical look which I still have not interpreted…. I am just guessing she was a bit concerned about my tenuous grip on reality at the time!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, ha. I am a big fan of a dry humor…my husband bought me every episode of Bob Newhart one year for Christmas and I now have my younger son hooked. I also had to send a link to your post to my uncle, who loves British humor:) At least your wife got to enjoy the goodies!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Funny, I recall Newhart from when it was shown late at night here when I was younger. Susan did not have a clue who he was when he appeared in Big Bang Theory but loved his deadpan humour. I am a big fan of Bill Murray too. Would love to see Newhart again. Thanks for spreading the word to your uncle too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’ll have to put Newhart Dvd’s on your wishlist!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Along with more hours in the day so I can watch it! Still working thriugh the x files box set and have two seasons of Penny Dreadful and several movies to watch!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is so funny. Double seat retention is an absolute essential especially as I tend to attract the people who sit on a bus talking to a loaf of bread 😉 I look forward to future experiments!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you! My wife attracts those too. I know that goes without saying but I actually meant other than me. She once wore a t shirt with a gorilla on it whilst travelling on the bus and an old lady came up and poked her chest snd asked why she had a big ugly hairy face on it. Susan’s friend was helpless with laughter…
LikeLiked by 3 people
Ha ha, I can only imagine how funny that had to be but how rude of the old lady!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLike
Ha ha ha! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve liked this so I can go back and read both parts later. Can’t wait.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Forget that, I only gone and followed you! I’ll read your blog tomorrow while pretending to listen to the Mrs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hope you enjoy. Sadly I moved away from buses for part three for fear of being banned!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Fair enough
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fantastic!! I love your sense of humor! I am so happy I found your blog 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh that is so lovely, thank you and have a hug! Darren x
LikeLike
I have to travel by train a lot next month for several business trips. I could be probably be convinced to undertake a follow-up study, but the U.S.-based sample may be a confound…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Be my guest but don’t blame me if you get arrested , OK? 😀
LikeLike
This may fall apart though if I succeed in having a disability card for dysautonomia show up before I go. If not, it may be worth being arrested to be able to sit down!
LikeLike
But, then again, even bread may not be enough in cut throat New York:
LikeLike
Probably well within normal parameters if the movies are anything to go by. The bottle nrush and scissors might work, or upgrade the scissors to a chainsaw. Good for personal safety too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/09/22/nyregion/please-offer-me-a-seat-the-buttons-say-subway-riders-arent-listening.html
LikeLike
I suspect London might be similar, sadly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ooh- Darren, you made me laugh so much, I cry. The part where you say you decided to curtail the experiment as it’s a very long way to walk home to Carnforth… But seriously, scissors… Spooky. As charming as you are, I don’t thing I would have sit next to you! Can wait to read your next post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I did deliberately use small round-tipped ones so I didn’t end the day in the cop shop! I would not sit with me either if I had the choice but I don’t.
Glad you liked it my friend. The next one involves my invisible friend Winifred so I need to ask her permission first……
LikeLiked by 1 person
Can’t wait to read it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello Darren!
I absolutely LOVE this article that you posted 🙂 It literally made me laugh out loud so much that my eyes were tearing up (seriously!!) :’)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, thanks for this Sophie, that is lovely!
LikeLike
I love this! But, where is the standard deviation results?? Or the chi square analysis? May need a few more runs to generate the optimal data points for a curve analysis! Of course you don’t want to end up in county lock up waiting for a mental health eval!! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is indeed the problem with experiments where replication is not feasible. Tell you what – Next time I lose the plot I will do it again OK? 😀😀😀😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great! can’t wait 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a crazy sense of humour you have. Love it! Though I’m glad you didn’t have to walk home Darren. Scissors and all, I reckon I would’ve given you my double seat too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Crazy? Moi? 😳❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aha 😎❤️
LikeLike